Sunday, March 21, 2010

My Self Analysis Skill

I'm just this type of person - I can't be at peace with myself and sleep comfortably until I know what exactly is going on in my world and why the heck am I stressing. I like to be in the know and I need to know everything. Bad trait, but I am thankful that in my complex personality it's complimented with a pretty good self analysis skill. What's more, if not for it, there's a big chance I'd be in a mad house by now.

So what happened yesterday was I thought I was so confused and was stressing to find solutions... Then I realized I thought I was being confused for a few days and the "knowing" wasn't making me feel any better - I still didn't know how to unconfuse myself. I couldn't fall asleep for a long time anyway, so naturally, I felt like crying (yes, don't laugh - whenever I get bottled up on issues and have no one to talk to for a while, all that's inside is coming out in the form of stupid meaningless tears in the middle of the night when no one knows). Then, as usual, I started brainstorming all my current situations, trying to find that one thing that was causing the tears. That's the way it works for me - once I find the reason, the true reason, tears just stop falling down. Because once I know what the issue really is, I can get down to solving it, and crying has never solved anything. So I was suggesting things to my pity crying self and was I in for a big suprise when I realized I wasn't confused at all. The problem was exactly the opposite - I knew just exactly what I needed to do, when to do it, how to do it. I even knew what kind of benefits some of the things would bring me, and knew that some would not benefit me at all, yet my gut still told me to do it, as there was nothing to lose either. I knew just exactly what my emotions were. I knew that I wasn't scared or intimidated byany of the desicions I were to make in the nearest future. The problem was that I knew. I knew a lot of things were out of my control, a lot of those issues were not for me to take care of. It is what it is. With some of the things I just need to sit and wait and do nothing, and that's what I hate the most - sitting and waiting for God knows what and doing nothing - that's why it's such a stress and such a problem. That's why I kept putting off so many other things that needed to be done. Not because I was scared to make a choice, but because deep inside I felt it was out of my control anyway. But, if that's what it takes to bring back some sanity into my life, be it. Whatever needs to be done even if it's pointless should be done, and whatever bugs me because there's nothing I can do about it needs to be waited out. I realized this and I fell asleep right away. The next day, today, I woke up early and had a lot done, not feeling this daunting pressure I'd been under for so long and not having the urge to put everything off.

Why the heck am I typing all of this? Well, I realized yesterday this skill of mine has been my savior since I learned how to think. And I hope that maybe, just maybe, there are people out there who need to read something like this to make them feel better about whatever they're going through. I know they will appreciate my honesty.


  1. Yeah I agree. As much as it annoys me to not be able to let certain things go, I'm thankful I have the ability to see things, especially about myself. As hard it is to realize your own faults, it's much better than being ignorant and not being able to try to fix it. But seeing things out of your control is definitely difficult. As with most people, and like you said, it's the hardest thing to accept that there are some things you can't control.

    (And we do appreciate your honesty!)

  2. Thank you, YJ!! Really appreciate you taking the time to read it. I'm just really in this phase when I just watch soem thing falling apart and other things not building. I know the phase will pass, but I know it's goign to take some time and lots of patience on my part.

  3. Action is always the solution, even if the results of our actions are not guarantee. We always feel better in doing something voluntarily.
    So, when we can't, it often is frustrating!
    Sometimes, we need to be patient and confident in the future.

    To my mind, self analysis is a great quality.

    I appreciate.

  4. ..I totally understand what do you mean ..the peace of mind is so important , I know how it is when you just think and think and cant sleep at night ..even if you know the solution , the worst is when you really can't do nothing to change something ..but too much thinking really can show to us way to the 'mad house' , human mind can be very gangerous ..
    I think it is so important that you realize things and know what is what ,because some people in 'situations' can be silly and be very anoying to herself and other ones..and sometimes we like to confuse ourself with thinking ..I have times like that , when I think I can go crazy , mostly when I think that something can happen to my family , it's such an agony for me , because I know it's life and I can't change things ..
    I really appreciate your honesty and I love your way of thinking , you are so inteligent girl ..I hope you feeling better and had a good sleep ..

    well , I love your blog and I had time yesterday to check it more and wrote some comments..Julia , you try to say I would be good in domestics only : )just joking..he bf actually is mad about my cleaning habits..sorry ..can't help it : ) but number 3 really drives me CRAZY , I guess you can imagine : ) I actually was laughing when I wrote that comment because it was just ridiculous : ) the L.A.M.B. going ..

  5. Your ability to write down the whole process just as it evolves, is amazing. I think I know exactly what are you talking about.. but I couldn't write it down cause it's really confusing! So you sure are gifted with a great analysis skill. I very often need to cry myself too because of too much pressure and I think it is much easier this way.. the emotionality thing is onplu a plus and things to seem brighter. I guess the sun always comes out after the rain has gone..

  6. You hang in there with what's going on. I know you'll come out on the good end of things. We're so much alike in our ongoing analysis and exploration of our inner and outer situations. Just let it be, now that you know. Sometimes not having control of something is a gift--it's stressful in one sense but delightful in another. It forces us to trust in a higher power. Sending good thoughts your way...

  7. That's awesome Julia... being able to analyze the problem and come up with a solution is a skill. I see some people forever griping about their misfortunes or that they are so stressed. Griping wouldn't solve the problem.

    Having no control of the situation is another thing... I don't worry much about those because you're right, you just have to wait it out.

    Have a great day my dear! xoxo

  8. I wish I had that ability. Now I'm curious as to what made you upset! Glad you're feeling better :) xo

  9. Ok, that's wired, I had an emotion crash today...w/ DH....a fight...(we are ok now.) And then today, you finally had a solution to your stress, hooray to you, dear.
    From your everyday blog, I didn't smell awkwardness of your emotion and I bet "writing" must play a role of helping you think n' solve the problems too. I know it works for me!! :)
    Hope you are feeling better!!

  10. I think this is very true to me as well. I always stress myself out by over thinking and over examining things. I always want to be on top of everything and this character makes me less able to enjoy life. But

    This post relates to latest article I wrote at my journal.

    P.S. Woud you consider linking to my journal blog? It is realted to your blog. :)

  11. And oh, thank you so much for that very thourough comments you made for my guest blog post. That's really quite an additional idea. :)

  12. Great post. I think it sounds like a blessing to me. And also, I bubble like that too with my emotions. Often though if I'm upset and trying to suppress it, I tend to see someone who can see the sadness on my face- once they ask me "what's wrong?" i lose it. very honest and wonderful quote. Life doesn't always make us happy but coping skills are what get us by.



I appreciate you taking the time to connect and share your thoughts, so thank you for your comment! And while you're at it... Why not tell me what you're thankful for today? ;-)