My Self Analysis Skill

I'm just this type of person - I can't be at peace with myself and sleep comfortably until I know what exactly is going on in my world and why the heck am I stressing. I like to be in the know and I need to know everything. Bad trait, but I am thankful that in my complex personality it's complimented with a pretty good self analysis skill. What's more, if not for it, there's a big chance I'd be in a mad house by now.

So what happened yesterday was I thought I was so confused and was stressing to find solutions... Then I realized I thought I was being confused for a few days and the "knowing" wasn't making me feel any better - I still didn't know how to unconfuse myself. I couldn't fall asleep for a long time anyway, so naturally, I felt like crying (yes, don't laugh - whenever I get bottled up on issues and have no one to talk to for a while, all that's inside is coming out in the form of stupid meaningless tears in the middle of the night when no one knows). Then, as usual, I started brainstorming all my current situations, trying to find that one thing that was causing the tears. That's the way it works for me - once I find the reason, the true reason, tears just stop falling down. Because once I know what the issue really is, I can get down to solving it, and crying has never solved anything. So I was suggesting things to my pity crying self and was I in for a big suprise when I realized I wasn't confused at all. The problem was exactly the opposite - I knew just exactly what I needed to do, when to do it, how to do it. I even knew what kind of benefits some of the things would bring me, and knew that some would not benefit me at all, yet my gut still told me to do it, as there was nothing to lose either. I knew just exactly what my emotions were. I knew that I wasn't scared or intimidated byany of the desicions I were to make in the nearest future. The problem was that I knew. I knew a lot of things were out of my control, a lot of those issues were not for me to take care of. It is what it is. With some of the things I just need to sit and wait and do nothing, and that's what I hate the most - sitting and waiting for God knows what and doing nothing - that's why it's such a stress and such a problem. That's why I kept putting off so many other things that needed to be done. Not because I was scared to make a choice, but because deep inside I felt it was out of my control anyway. But, if that's what it takes to bring back some sanity into my life, be it. Whatever needs to be done even if it's pointless should be done, and whatever bugs me because there's nothing I can do about it needs to be waited out. I realized this and I fell asleep right away. The next day, today, I woke up early and had a lot done, not feeling this daunting pressure I'd been under for so long and not having the urge to put everything off.

Why the heck am I typing all of this? Well, I realized yesterday this skill of mine has been my savior since I learned how to think. And I hope that maybe, just maybe, there are people out there who need to read something like this to make them feel better about whatever they're going through. I know they will appreciate my honesty.