Generally, when someone does something nice for me I say 'thank you'. That's how it should be. Today was a bit of an exception as a stranger who held a door open for me had his headphones on, so I just nodded instead. Although later I realized I could've totally said it too - even if he wouldn't have heard me, he would've still seen that I thanked him.
Today's experience also reminded me of one from a while back that still has me puzzled. At the entrance to a shop a man was holding a door for his female companion when he saw me and my friend approaching and then kept holding the door until we made it past him and inside. Naturally, I thanked him without even giving it much thought. However, he wasn't too pleased. He came up to me at the store and quitely said that "a lady should never say "thank you", particularly in a situation like that.
"Was he right about it?" is the question I'm still asking myself. Something tells me a different situation may call for a different reply to it and that specifics of a particular case might matter. But what is a general rule? What would a well-mannered lady do and what would a well-mannered man expect of a lady? Anyone familiar with the correct protocol?
P.S. There's a thread on the topic on Yahoo! Answers (not started by me), if you need some opinions to get you started on it.
We must always say thank you for any kindness. It's a great Amen to the universe for showering us with goodness..even if that goodness is the simple act of a total stranger holding the door open.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous, thank you for sharing your opinion!
ReplyDeleteI disagree!
ReplyDeleteA lady should always say thank you :)
xoxox,
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I think we should always say thank you for something we appreciate, regardless of whether it's expected or not. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you...should always be said.
ReplyDeleteI cant imagine how saying thank you could be a bad thing. Maybe the man was trying to tell you that you shouldn't say thank you to him because its expected of men to open doors for women? LOL
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, Maybe
Wow I totally disagree with that guy. In fact, I would have been kind of insulted if someone said that to me.
ReplyDeleteEveryone should say thank you, regardless of being a man or woman or child. Nobody is above politeness.
Always thank the person doing you a kindness. And gender shouldn't figure into it at all. It's really kind of offensive that he felt the need to tell you what a "lady" should or should not do. Hmmmm......
ReplyDelete"Thank you" is a necessity, not an option.
ReplyDeleteI always hold the door open for anyone if they are anywhere near close to walking through and it's always nice to hear a thank you. When someone walks right through and says nothing, I think "what an a-hole." I agree with Brenda too about not letting anyone tell you what a "lady" should do. It's not the 18th century.
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ReplyDeletei believe it is always savvy to show appreciation.
ReplyDeleteI think that a lady would always say thank you. It shows good manners. In this day and age, I can never expect anyone to just hold the door open for me. I like to show appreciation for those that do.
ReplyDeletenice photo :)
ReplyDeleteI think it is sweet what he was implying, but I think you should always say thank you :)
ReplyDeleteGreat question! I believe in updated manners that apply in the every day world. Since most people aren't living by old fashion manner books, I always say thank you because I think it's important to show appreciation.
ReplyDeletexo Mary Jo
Very interesting topic Julia!!! I wish we knew exactly why that man said that. What I would guess (especially knowing how pretty you are!) is that he was saying that women of your beauty should expect to be treated in a very courteous manner, it should be expected. If that's what he means, it is kinda a very old school viewpoint which I can appreciate. However, I think it's nice to say 'thank you' and it goes a very long way, I would never feel comfortable abandoning that phrase!
ReplyDeletea real lady should always say thank you :)
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Was the man just joking with you? Maybe he means " A pretty girl like you doesn't need to say thank you.." haha...that would be just a compliment and a flirt. haha...... totally, flirting with you in that moment I guess.
ReplyDeleteNay, you don't have to ponder for such a conversation especially a male stranger. They say whatever in their mind for that instant without meaning anything.....trust me, dear!!!
xo Rachel
thank you for the 'thank you', ma'am:)
ReplyDelete"Thank you" has never hurt anyone!
ReplyDeleteHe sounds like an old-fashioned guy who doesn't think twice about opening the door for a lady. But, I do think that people should say thank you when someone holds the door open for them. It's the polite thing to do!
ReplyDeleteI was walking out of a store, once, and knew there was someone right behind me so as I walked out I stepped to the side and held the door open for him. He gave me a big smile and said thank you, but I could tell he was surprised I did that for him!
Huh? Where did that rule come from? It's the first time I heard of it. Besides, when was saying "thank you" ever bad? ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is such an interesting situation, I love your post! Looks like everyone agrees that a "thank you" was in order. I know I would do the same thing in your situation, it would be only natural to say "thank you". But I am intrigued by what he meant? I wonder what a lady would say instead?? Were you just supposed to pass through the door and not say "thank you" b/c as a lady it is expected that a gentleman should hold the door? Very interesting!!!
ReplyDelete..I can understand why stranger said that , it would be nice that more men would think like that BUT it's always nice to say thank you :)
ReplyDelete