Following up on my original post on a lady and a 'thank you' situation from a few months back, I'm bringing you an update on the matter! Remember me saying I actually went ahead and wrote to some of the etiquette professionals asking for help? Well, Miss Manners has never gotten back to me (should I email her again?), but Maralee of Manners Mentor Blog and Julia, one of the editors at Real Simple, did! Maralee says:
“ Dear Julia,
I was sad to read about the situation you encountered in the shop entrance. Please know that the man in question was rude and presumptuous to you on several levels. You were absolutely correct to thank him for holding open the door. To not have done so would be to fail to acknowledge and encourage the small kindnesses of daily encounters.
At no time in history was a lady ever taught it was rude to thank another person, male or female. Even if you had been “wrong” in thanking him, his offense, pointing out the supposed bad manners of someone else was worse. Unless we happened to give birth to the one whose manners we are correcting, or the person has specifically hired us for that task, it’s the one who is doing the correcting who is rude. ”
As for the Real Simple's reply, I don't know the answer to my initial question yet, but they emailed me saying they wanted to print the question in the Modern Manners section of the September issue of their magazine. Here is how they said they would print it (totally not the way I meant it, as I feel no shame when a man is being a gentleman to me, but whatever):
“ Should a woman say thank you to a man who holds a door open for her? Or turn around and hold the door for him? I feel guilty just walking right on in. ”
I guess you and I will know their take on the subject once the magazine hits the stands in September - Julia the editor promised to send me a PDF if I remind her, plus it's supposed to make an appearance online at some point too. However, if any of you happen to get a copy of the magazine, I would appreciate a photo or a scan!