Sunday, August 7, 2011

A Lady and a 'Thank You': Experts Weigh In

Following up on my original post on a lady and a 'thank you' situation from a few months back, I'm bringing you an update on the matter! Remember me saying I actually went ahead and wrote to some of the etiquette professionals asking for help? Well, Miss Manners has never gotten back to me (should I email her again?), but Maralee of Manners Mentor Blog and Julia, one of the editors at Real Simple, did! Maralee says:

Dear Julia,

I was sad to read about the situation you encountered in the shop entrance. Please know that the man in question was rude and presumptuous to you on several levels. You were absolutely correct to thank him for holding open the door. To not have done so would be to fail to acknowledge and encourage the small kindnesses of daily encounters.

At no time in history was a lady ever taught it was rude to thank another person, male or female. Even if you had been “wrong” in thanking him, his offense, pointing out the supposed bad manners of someone else was worse. Unless we happened to give birth to the one whose manners we are correcting, or the person has specifically hired us for that task, it’s the one who is doing the correcting who is rude.

As for the Real Simple's reply, I don't know the answer to my initial question yet, but they emailed me saying they wanted to print the question in the Modern Manners section of the September issue of their magazine. Here is how they said they would print it (totally not the way I meant it, as I feel no shame when a man is being a gentleman to me, but whatever):

Should a woman say thank you to a man who holds a door open for her? Or turn around and hold the door for him? I feel guilty just walking right on in.

I guess you and I will know their take on the subject once the magazine hits the stands in September - Julia the editor promised to send me a PDF if I remind her, plus it's supposed to make an appearance online at some point too. However, if any of you happen to get a copy of the magazine, I would appreciate a photo or a scan!


  1. Thank you for posting this! I've been wondering if you received any responses. Your encounter with that man still amazes me! I don't think I could ever walk through a door that someone held open for me and not say thank you.

    I love that image at the top, especially the "Please Note" at the end!

  2. Personally, I always have to say thank you when someone extends a kind gesture - such as holding a door - to me. It is all sorts of rude to simply expect such niceties, and not to show gratitude for them. :/

  3. Manners maketh the man or woman - never fails to amaze me - thanks for your comment x

  4. I have to agree with the post. Not saying thank you would be rude and pointing out someone else's "rudeness" over such a minor thing was unnecessary at best, creepy at worst.

  5. a lady never says 'thank you'? how silly!

    thank you for dropping by my photo blog! your project to be thankful every day is really inspiring. :o)

  6. So true about the door holding!

    Yay chivalry!


  7. I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for your appearance in Real Simple!

  8. You're so cute that you followed up on this so well!! I agree with the response that you got and think that the Man was trying to hit on you or something but neglected to realize how stupid he sounded...

    Also, is your Real Simple the same as mine?!?!? Or do we have different versions? I will DEFINITELY pick up a copy if my darling Julia is in it!! :)

  9. yay! Real Simple is all over the place, I'll CERTAINLY pick one up for you assuming it's this:!!

  10. Cool, looking forward to Real Simple. Anyhoo, saying thank you is never out of style. : )

  11. Interesting.... ^^ But def. worth the thinking.

    Have a good week ahead.

    xo R.

  12. Wow what a situation, how could that be rude?! That boggles my mind. Glad you adressed this. Thanks for your comment on my blog, follow me? :)

  13. I liked Maralee's response. So cool about it being in Real Simple.


  14. I was brought up to always say thank you. I find it offensive that he found the need to say that to you.


I appreciate you taking the time to connect and share your thoughts, so thank you for your comment! And while you're at it... Why not tell me what you're thankful for today? ;-)